The day had finally arrived. This could very well be the most significant day in Rev. Don Thompson's divinely inspired career. Today, he and almost 100 of his organization's members, some of which had flown in from different chapters from across the country, were going to take God's law into their own hands and turn the tide of this wicked, immoral society by infiltrating the family entertainment park and stoning the killer whale to death themselves.
|Check out our posters!|
|Check out our posters!|
Some of us just aren't content to cheer on the "good guys".
"My heroes have always been Villains" original poster by Twisted Jenius, Buy it!
All of this had been carefully planned out days before. Timing and proper coordination were crucial. All of the members would arrive at the park individually and in their various pockets, purses, coolers, strollers and fanny packs would be hidden as many rocks as they could reasonably carry. The rocks were river stones that were bought in bulk from a local garden supply store, and were chosen for their shape, size and general "throwability".
The members would meet at a specific time at the whale stadium and together, would proceed to carry out their righteous task. Certain media outlets were also notified that something important was going to transpire at the whale stadium that day. After all, if there was no media publicity surrounding the event, then what was the point? This would definitely be a monumental day for the 68 year old Rev. Thompson; both spiritually and professionally. This would be his time to shine!
Unfortunately, he hadn't shown up yet. He had promised to drop his wife off at her sister's that morning, which was well over an hour out of his way and in the complete opposite direction of the park. He was going to be late to his own socially reforming/whale stoning event. In the many years that they'd been married, his wife had never gotten a driver's license and had never learned to drive; making her completely dependent on him for transportation. This was something that always squared well with Thompson, due to his old fashioned sense of family values. This morning was the first time that he could remember, that he almost wished that she had her own car. As he drove, he griped about this major detour and stressed the Biblical importance of this day. His wife casually reminded him not to say anything that might give people the impression that he was confusing himself with God, since he had a nasty habit of doing that.
He had successfully dropped off his wife and was just a few miles from the park when his Cadillac became hopelessly stuck in a large ditch. The car had been violently forced off the road by what looked like a spray painted bus full of overzealous, frantic hippies brandishing homemade signs exclaiming something about wildlife being under stress. Though the experience had been jarring, he had emerged uninjured except for his pride, which was suffering at the thought of being so easily pushed aside and ignored by the bus full of social rejects that was headed in the same direction that he was. His car was stuck and he didn't have time to wait for a tow or a ride; he'd have to walk. He was very close and he figured that he could cut his remaining time in half by cutting through some of the small pieces of marshlands surrounding the roads.
For this event, Rev. Thompson had been sure to wear one of his angelic white suits, which he had become known for. Over the years, many people had mockingly referred to him as "The Colonel", due to the similarities between his suit and the one worn by the mascot of a popular fried chicken franchise. He had always ignored his detractors, believing that these suits made him look more heavenly and therefore more worthy to speak as an earthly representative of God.
However, this intended effect was severely compromised when, while quickly walking through the tall grass and reeds, he tripped and fell. Large portions of his stark white suit were now covered with swampy muck. Despite this setback, he decided to press on with the determination of a man obsessed. The intense Florida heat and humidity were getting to him but the Lord was on his side and he refused to admit weakness. This went on for the better part of a mile, until he decided that it might just be better to go back to the road and try to flag down a ride. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Several cars sped by, completely ignoring him before one SUV decided to stop and give him a lift. The young woman, who was driving the vehicle, seemed to be headed to the park herself.