The Snail Factory

Chef Goulet's New Staff

The Snail Factory
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Goulet Agricultural split off from John Deere in 1853 when Tate and Gould were bought out by Mr. Deere himself. The parting was amicable, though upon his death 33 years later, Deere's will revealed that he had always hated the Goulet brand and played a key role in seeing that it took no part in the John Deere fortune.

And in fact, Goulet performed dismally ever since. Producing such experimental machinery as the "Axle Free Tractor", the "Unpowered Power Loader", the "Deharvester" and the "Cotton Rum", the company lost far more than it made and the financial margin was believed to have been covered by the executive board selling themselves as prostitutes, or making illegal raids on the North throughout the civil war.

It was the Goulet Excavator 10-E alone that managed to sell. Defamed by critics as "the dirtiest, greasiest heap of gears this side of the Mississippi" and "more suitable for ladling soup than hauling dirt", the 10-E was still the least expensive excavator in the country, and as such won numerous government contracts. Needless to say the fleet of excavators broke down at astounding rates and the need for replacement parts kept the company alive until 1929, when it finally failed during the Great Depression.

Chef "Crumb" Goulet was, at the time of his hire to the Snail Factory, one of only 4 working Goulet Excavators. When he left the Factory in 1945, he was believed to have been the last. The Goulet name lives on however in his progeny: Goulet married a gigantic human nose in France in 1949 and today in 2012, the horrific nasal machines they spawned continue to expand the Gilded Grildeaux franchise. Over 17 flourish in France, Britain and Spain. Norway is expected to open its first in 2014.

Chef Crumb himself died in 1971 when his last piston developed a crack. With the Goulet Excavator lifespan averaging only 3 years, Marshall "Crumb" Goulet lived to be 64 years old. He will be remembered by all Parisians, because the terrible grinding noise he made with every movement rendered most of them deaf.




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