The Snail Factory

Escargot Brulee

The Snail Factory
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Will Melchior, the author of this episode records:

"It was hard to write, sure. I don't know why really but I had to get through the writer's block, you know? How do you write about snails being on fire? I doubt they can even catch on fire, they're pretty wet and slimy. So yeah, I did what I had to do.

I found the first hooker on Colfax Avenue. That's where like Kerouac and the beats used to hang out. Nuts, right? So yeah she was 16, maybe 17. High School drop out, living alone. She was hanging out with all these other hookers. She was the best looking, I mean she wasn't like a supermodel, then she'd work for some high class joint. But she was all right, not an old ugly whore like the others. Cute really.

Paid her up front, 50 I said for a B.J. She said sure and came with me to the motel. Motel was 20 bucks, not bad. We got to the room and when she started to take it off I came up from behind. She was dead before I lit the fire, I mean I'm not a sadist, I didn't want her to feel any pain. Hit her on the head really hard and she went down fast. Real fast like a rag doll. Then I had to work fast too, because the gasoline stank to high friggin' heaven, right? It was pretty bad. Once I lit her the room heated up pretty fast and there was so much smoke. Tons of smoke, I felt it burning my lungs long after I finished writing.

That means it worked you know. Whatever you may say about me, it worked and I got the episode done. I think it came out well. And it's not like anybody misses her. The prosecutor tried to make it all dark and nasty, like it was a bad thing her parents were already dead. If you ask me it means there were no real victims, aside from the girl I mean. It was maybe a week later when I got the itch. That's all it was, the other women, scratching an itch. Like an addiction.

I couldn't go back to Colfax, that's what they'd expect. They'd have eyes out after one hooker died. But nobody expects it in a Christian Sorority. They were easy. I didn't even want to watch 'em burn, I just lit the place after nailing the doors shut. Got 7 girls in one blow, like Jack the giant killer. So I went back to single chicks after that. I met Sally Carson in a bar, I didn't know who she was until the news reports. The next three or four in other bars but I kept traveling a lot. Different cities. Some small towns.

It was a mistake to go to another sorority. I figured a different sorority at another college in another city would be fine but as soon as I copied my own M.O., as soon as they heard the nails they called the cops and that was that. Jail hasn't been bad, and it won't be long now. No appeals, just lethal injection. They say it's painless and that's kinda funny. I mean I deserve way worse right? So much for justice. Fuck it, I got the episode done and cleansed the planet of some dumbass whores. They oughta give me a medal, heh."

This episode is dedicated not to the "Arizona Arsonist" Will Melchior, executed February 19th 1983, but to his victims. Among those victims, we also list Will himself, the man he used to be. A friend and a kind man who we at the Snail Factory simply can't tie to the killer he became. May his story serve as a warning to all with writers block: It's not that bad of a problem unless you make it one.




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