This is an explanation as to what events have brought me to my current ideas and views. I think some of you may be experiencing similar things and perhaps this might assist you, in some way.
Some of you may have noticed that I exhibit some distinctly non Christian views. This first began around age 9, and was sparked by the fact that I really didn't like the attitudes and personalities of many of the religious folks that I encountered. I was beginning to notice a certain correlation between the degree of one's religious beliefs and how strict, rigid and humorless the person was. You could say my initial motivation for poking holes in the idea of religion and all of its various attributes was pure spite. However, once I got into it, it didn't take me long to amass a great mental list of all of the problems and inconsistencies with the idea of religion and god.
At 11 I considered myself an agnostic and by 14 a genuine atheist. For years I believed that science was the ultimate method of exposing the secrets of life. And why not, after all, who can resist a logical and objective search for the truth. It made a lot of sense, but as I dove deeper into it, I found that science had one fatal flaw, it had to be conducted by scientists and scientists are, unfortunately, human. There is no possibility for true objectivity when dealing with humans. I eventually found that scientists are fully capable of clinging "religiously" to ideas and concepts that they've gotten used to, even when evidence to the contrary has presented itself. Obviously, this creates some problems when searching for the truth. On top of that, many scientists can't even agree, in some cases, about the specific details of what our current knowledge is. You find the same phenomenon among zoo keepers, each of whom tends to have their own individual ideas about the correct approach to husbandry and the care of the animals in the zoo's collection. You might think that certain standards such as proper temperature, humidity, feeding techniques, lighting schedules and egg incubation would be a bit more universal and concrete than they actually are.
Another problem with scientist is that they often can't financially or academically afford to take too many risks. From what I can tell, reputation can mean a lot in the scientific community, and this does not lend itself to exploring all possibilities and ideas. Financial issues are another concern, and I remember being a little appalled that people would actually choose money over the expansion of mankind's knowledge (evidently, I was much more idealistic back then, and hadn't fully developed the passion for selfishness, which I now possess). This seemingly closed minded attitude exhibited by mainstream science (combined with my fascination with darkness, strangeness and the unknown) caused me to get into paranormal type studies; cryptozoology was my primary interest for a time, but I also became interested in even more bizarre, supernatural topics. The assumption was, that people who studied such apparently outlandish subjects must be more open minded than mainstream scientist; the spirit of true discovery and scientific exploration was running through them and being dubbed "misfits" by others, was their grand sacrifice for the pursuit of knowledge. Romantic idea isn't it? But once again, reality wasn't so accommodating.
Many paranormal investigators have the same hang-ups as regular scientists, minus the credibility. So, it seemed that my search for the truth hit a snag. What other possibilities were there? By this time I was out of high school, working and didn't have as much time to explore ways of finding the answers which I desired, but that didn't keep me from thinking about it. Then, one day, someone said something to me that was very profound; they suggested that "truth" was irrelevant, and that happiness is what really mattered. "Which is more important to you, whether something's true or whether it works?" In retrospect this seems simple enough, but for a person who was so obsessed with facts and accuracy and who hated any form of B.S., this was a revelation. The truth didn't matter, my own personal satisfaction and getting what I wanted did! I would create my own truth, in accordance with my own desires (the same way that everyone else does). This line of thinking, combined with a few other notable realizations about myself, is what ultimately clenched my rise to villainy, but that's another story.
I'd like to state for the record that I still have a great deal of admiration for and interest in, science. It's the best method that we have as humans for obtaining information about our world, and is a worthwhile pursuit. Its principles are sound and influence beyond measure. And despite what I've said in this rant, there is no substitute for it. The real truth is that I wasn't actually looking for the real truth; I wanted personal power and happiness. These are things which science cannot yet give us, and maybe never will. Though, I would like to think that somewhere, in a dark, underground lab, an "eccentric" professional is working on that very problem, right now.