Splash Zone: Part 4

Splash Zone


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Splash Zone

Although the complete idea took some time for him to formulate, the dubious scheme came into Don Thompson's mind almost immediately after reading about the tragedy at the whale tank, in the morning paper. He was sitting in his breakfast nook sipping some coffee while his wife was preparing the rest of his breakfast from the adjacent kitchen when the headline caught his eye: "Terror just beneath the surface". Thompson had always hated animals and considered them lowly life forms that had a generally negative impact on God's most precious creations which were, of course, humans. Not only did they set a vile, savage example by how they conducted themselves; but the fact that humans were so often compared to them appalled Reverend Don Thompson's extreme Christian sensibilities to an unsettling degree. Even though they were created by God, they were also abominations when compared to civilized man. They were a constant annoyance that those wretched Humanists could always point to, as they blasphemously suggested that the people of God were somehow similar to these other, soulless creatures.

But more significantly than his hatred of wildlife, this news could provide an opportunity to regain his own waning cultural significance, and by extension, Jesus' cultural significance. Thompson was the founder of the ultraconservative social activism group "Decency In Christian Kempt Society", which held some prominence during the nineteen eighties and became known for attempting to censor any form of entertainment that featured sex, violence, profanity, mocking of Christianity and its leaders, or anything else that might interfere with God's great plan and send us all treading down the road of eternal damnation.

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In recent years, Decency In Christian Kempt Society had lost much of its previous glory due to the almost unanimous realization that the Rev. Don Thompson's attempts to censor the media were completely ineffectual and that no one really cared what he had to say. It was becoming obvious that his organization's supporters had been steadily declining over the last couple of decades and many were suspicious of the accuracy of the membership figures given during the group's heyday. In truth, only fringe religious nuts had never really been genuine supporters of the organization and most people who claimed to be, were only doing it out of political/social convenience. It didn't help that over the years, Thompson had repeatedly and publicly revealed himself to be exactly what he was; a person who had absolutely no tolerance for anything outside of his own, extremely limited, pious worldview. He had effectively alienated himself from mainstream Christians, who had become accustomed to the sinful indulgences of living in a mostly secular society.

He carefully read through the newspaper article, skipping a large portion in which the head of Marine Kingdom went off on a completely separate and oddly inappropriate tirade, assuring parents that no employee sexual liaisons ever occurred within the park's restroom facilities. Don read on, absorbing as much information about the whale incident as he possibly could. Then he found something even better than what he was looking for. He was not the kind of man who was actually capable of any expression or feeling of happiness, but his outrage was often a suitable replacement and that is exactly what he was feeling right at that moment. The whale had killed before!

Within two days of reading the article, Thompson had sent out an announcement to his followers and various news agencies. He had found a new crusade. While his past attempts to force censorship on various entertainment media through having his organization stage boycotts on their advertisers had failed, due to lack of numbers and general indifference to his overall cause, this plan would succeed. It would succeed because this time it was real. These were real people who were killed by a real fish. This wasn't some vague scenario of society slowly moving away from God. This had actually happened and the reason was as clear as day. It happened because Marine Kingdom had ignored scripture!

Rev. Thompson made sure to include the proper quotes from Exodus, in all of his press releases.

"When an ox gores a man or woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten, but the owner shall not be liable." (Exodus 21:28)

"If, however, the bull has had the habit of goring and the owner has been warned but has not kept it penned up and it kills a man or woman, the bull must be stoned and the owner also must be put to death." (Exodus 21:29)

"This is what happens when we don't pay attention to scripture"; he said in a public announcement. "Giant sea monsters begin killing people smack-dab in the middle of popular family attractions."

The message was clear. He was holding the park and its managers responsible for the deaths; on behalf of God. They should have done their biblical duty and stoned the whale to death after the first time that it had killed a person. But instead they foolishly kept the godless Leviathan around for entertainment purposes and now they would be forced to answer for it!

This is exactly the kind of issue that he needed to get back on top! Divinely inspired, miraculously boxed and shipped on the overnight angelic-express, straight to him! This is truly the Lord's work!

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